i stolz ur intrnats money

I have to admit that I let this one go for a while, but with the economy sitting on shaking knees and everyone looking to cut costs, “unseen” expenses are sometimes overlooked for cutting when temporary expenses (eating out, vacations, home home improvements, etc.) seem to get more of our notice. Now, when I say “unseen”, it’s not that people aren’t aware of what they’re paying, they’re just so used to seeing a recurring figure in a monthly bill that they overlook it when the first round of reviews of household expenses begin. Add to that the expected frustration of sitting on hold for a non-native English speaker while digging through piles of bills looking for that elusive account number can make the job just that much more justifiably avoidable- but it’s worth it if you’re out of your contract period for most of the services you have.

Although my situation is purely anecdotal, I saved a lot of money yesterday, to a tune of about $85 a month. Would that make it worth it to you? That’s over a thousand dollars a year, and I did it while -UP-grading my services instead of cutting a thing. Look at this scenario: my high speed internet cost me $75 a month, satellite TV was $45, and general phone services were $25 a month, plus taxes and miscellaneous fees to a tune of around $150. (Yeah, I know, I’m a heavy internet user; more than most. But a lot of people pay for additional TV services I’ll never use like HD service, DVR options, extended channels and additional set fees and the like so I don’t think I’m too far down the average user budget curve.)

A knock on the door this past weekend from a saleswoman from the local cable company got my wife and I into this budget-conscious mode. She was offering new bundled service options. Although we did not take the salesperson up on her offer (the services weren’t quite what we needed due to my special internet requirements), I decided to pick up the phone and start seeing what else we could do. We hadn’t reviewed our services since 2006 and we were long since past the contract dates. Had the prices and plans changed?

Indeed they did. Significantly.

After haggling for a while with Sergio at the customer service center of one of the prominent phone and digital service providers (the third I tried), I got him to agree to bundle decent digital TV service, a 100% increase in speed to my internet connection and basic telephone service (gotta have 911 access, otherwise we rely almost exclusively on our cell phones in my family) for $65 a month, and get a $100 rebate in the mail as icing on the cake. Is that a reasonable sum for the hour or so I spent on the research and mild frustration with language disjunction? No question.

I think my next magical trick is to take a gander at my auto insurance policy. Why, again, am I paying for comprehensive and collision insurance on a now-nearly ten year old car? “Please hold for the next available customer service representative…”

After flogging the list of Staycation ideas yesterday, I promised to bring forth a list that geeks can use for ideas to use on a Staycation. Now, like every other “group”, it is made up of individuals and so not all (or theoretically any) ideas would be appropriate for all people. But I am going to take a shot.

“Read.”

If you know that a vacation is coming, spend some time saving money and get several good books. Better yet, get something that comes in an episodic volumes that you ordinarily wouldn’t because you didn’t think that they would all be available at the same time (”Dangit, I can’t find a copy of book 2!”). It’s restful, ultimately good for your cognitive skills, not mind-numbing as in television viewing and it’s great to build up the library. Is this the most revolutionary idea for vacation time? Certainly not, but sometimes even the painfully obvious needs restating.

“Shake up your meals.”

If you’re the type that eats out a lot, I recommend actually planning and cooking a few good meals at home. Make it a project. There are so many free recipe sites online that not an ounce of expense need be paid to do as much research as you want. Moreover, try to use ingredients that ordinary megamart grocery store don’t carry. Make it a point to visit your local Asian, Greek, Italian, Russian …whatever… store, and see what you’re missing. (Note to a few friends, and you know who are… Mortadella does not mean “lunchmeat of death.”)

Alternately, if you’re a big homebody like me and cooks at home most of the time, then make plans to eat out some, with one rule: it has to be a place that you haven’t been to before, and preferrably a style that you haven’t sampled or haven’t had recently. It doesn’t have to be a place that requires dress codes or reservations; they’re not to be avaoided, either. But try that Korean place a few miles down the road, the Indian place that can make a fantastic vegetarian meal and still make you not miss the meat, or the rare Carribbean/Jamaican/Latin American cuisine place.

The whole point of this is to shake you out of your rut, even if you can’t make it out of town. In my own experience, food is such a large portion of any culture, that even changing that on a temporary basis is as much of a change of scenery as you can get.

“Organize your tech”

All us geeks have several projects laying around that could do with an organizational kick. Perhaps it is the home theater speaker wiring strangling cats. Perhaps it’s the tangle of rechargable device battery pack cables imitating a plate of spaghetti on the counter. Have a veritable Stonehenge of computers in the office; operable, but ready to topple over in a cascade of steel and silicon labelled “Dell”? Now’s the time to clean up. But before you get out the dusting rags and cans of compressed air, it’s time to break out the graph paper and design an actual solution to the stuff Philip K. Dick referred to as kipple.

Businesses use server racks because there isn’t enough desk space in the world to hold all of those systems running side-by-side. If you’re a geek like me, then planning is essential to keeping the stuff running but out of the way. If you have a bunch of desktops, bite the bullet and get a KVM switch and ditch your multiple monitors and keyboards immersed in Fritos crumbles and Dr. Pepper splatter. Put mounting “ears” on your PC cases and whip up a DIY server rack (like one of these; or just google “DIY server rack” and you’ll get plenty more) on the cheap. More than just the boxes themselves, it keeps the cabling in a much more managable environment. You’ll be happier.

Go to your local wine purveyor and gather up a nice wooden wine crate and mount inside a power strip with breaker inside it. Cut a small hole in the back and pass the power cable for the strip through it. Voila… portable device recharging station that hides your iPhone, camera, DAP (Digital Audio Player), bluetooth headset, WAN signal detector, medical tricorder, Flip video camera, miniature RC cars and NiCad batteries. Even use it store your wallet, car keys, or anything else that you want to keep in one place… and covered, to boot.

“One word: Museums.”

Museums, as well as zoos, aquariums, conventions, galleries and showcases are huge on most geek’s lists. I’m truly sorry to say that in my day-in, day-out routine of the job, family, commute and chores that I have visited the Akron Art Museum only once in my ten years here in Akron, and perhaps the same number of times for the Akron Zoo and the Metroparks Zoo. (Those familiar with my personal past know that I once worked as the exhibits tech in the curatorial department of the then-Inventure Place museum attached to the then- National Inventor’s Hall of Fame, a job I picked up as soon as I got into town. I don’t count these visits; it was work!) Anyhow…

Now that you have some time, go hit the museums in and around town. It has the effect of making one feel erudite or educated, or both, even your idea of “culture” is the stuff growing in the back of the fridge. Add on top of that most museum’s relative inexpensive admission for an afternoon’s browsing, most are located in pedestrian-friendly areas that get you out and walking which gives you ample opportunities to experience what else the town has to offer.

“Do a ’stupid’ project.”

Why is it certain things stir a geek’s soul? One may never know, but the “fun” factor should never be denied. Airbrush flames onto your lawn mower. Organize landscaping patterns that are only recognizable to Google Satellite views. It doesn’t truly matter what the project is; just have fun with it and take the time to do it right.

“Pranks.”

I have long been known as a prankster; only less so as the people I work with increasingly expect more “respectability” from me as years go by. As things stand though, planning and executing a good prank is something that delivers a big sense of personal accomplishment. Along with deciding to do this, there are a few rules you MUST follow. I call them Bryan’s Rules of Pranking:

• Under no circumstances perform a prank that breaks, permanently modifies or vandalizes property, or which costs the victim money to repair/reverse.
• Break no laws in the process, especially trespassing or theft.
• Your prank must be played on someone who will appreciate the joke, with a mind toward the fact that you must own up to it immediately after the prank. This also excudes strangers and people who you are only “somewhat familiar”.
• Those with no sense of humor shall not be targets.
• Pranking in good taste is funny. Humiliating someone is absolutely not, and only demonstrates that you are the idiot.

Keep these things in mind and it almost can’t go wrong.

Examples:
Boobytrapping a center-desk drawer so that when opened, a microswitch activates a small battery powered case fan located in a drop ceiling above the desk which blows confetti or packing peanuts (stored in a cardboard tube attached to the fan) down onto the victim.

Switch the victim’s door from right-handed to left (or vice-versa). Deny noticing that anything has changed. After a few days, switch it back.

Use a socket-to-power adapter in a large light fixture, plug in a loud noisemaking device (home security siren, etc.) inside.

Abide by the rules; use your imagination.

So to wrap up, have fun, and do something you wouldn’t ordinarily do.

In the runup to my vacation in two weeks, I was trolling the ‘net looking for decent Staycation ideas. Obviously Google is first on the list; indeed several thousands of hits come up using that term. Only, I also realized that precious few of them fit my personality.

One of the better lists I’ve found (for the normal person) was Better Homes and Garden’s 25 Ideas for a Staycation. After blipping through a few, your average Geek would have to make both major and minor changes to make them palatable.

I’m not going to hit all 25 as a few of them are fairly pedestrian (”go fly a kite!”).

“Turn Your Home Into a Spa!”

Not only am I a bit of a technophile, I married an RN/gamer chick/geek/sci-fi fan. Whereas you can get an idea of the sort of person she is that would marry (williingly) a person of my talents demeanor, what might not be apparent is that she’s also really into all natural cosmetics, toiletries, cleaning supplies, etc. Frankly, and hoping that I am not relaying too much TMI here, I nearly cannot tell the difference between my bathroom and the pantry. Both are full of enough honey, lemon juice, Neem oil (?), herbs, fragrances, potions, seeds and otherwise “natural” stuff that I’m pretty convinced I could whip up a fairly decent salad dressing or two while showering. Turning my home into a day spa isn’t just a suggestion, it’s a threat.

“Throw a Simple Cocktail Party!”

Simple? Maybe. But neither of us are drinkers in any appreciable respect; alcohol use decreases your kill count in Call of Duty: World at War. Of the few bottles of liquor I have at the house, most are older than my children, and are only brought out times like the following…

“Host a Girl’s Night In!”

My wife’s friends would be the group to show up. Therefore, I would have to leave. I thought the point of this was to stay…? They are good for a laugh, though; just need to keep bail money on hand (”what is it with nurses?”).

“Transform Your Home into an Island Retreat!”

Not too bad of an idea, but deserted islands have a distinct lack of 3G and broadband access. Beyond that, I think this is a perfectly reasonable suggestion to bring in some nice greenery, decorate with towels, get sand in places that you forgot you had, get sunburned, and pay far too much at nearby restaurants. Ever seen me in a bathing suit after most of the year tanning in front of several monitors in a darkly lit computer cave? “You’re welcome.”

Otherwise I’m good to go.

“Plant a Family Garden!”

Been there. Did that. Back hurts from planting, that’s why I need a vacation.

“Have Fun with Felt Crafts!”

Change the felt with Modder’s mesh and Arduino boards and we’re onto something. Seriously, can you see me with a pair of pinking shears and a bottle of glitter?

“Plan a TV Night!”

Why? We don’t watch a lot of TV in the traditional sense. Although the boob tube might be “on” for ambient noise occasionally, we’re on the net a lot. If we do sit down in front of the TV, it’s more likely to be a DVD than anything else. More seriously, though, too many Americans waste away our lives in front of the idiot box as it is; “getting away” by doing the same thing seems a bit of a waste to me.

“Have a Hawaiian Night!”

“Oh dear Lord, I pray that you take this cup away from me…” especially the $425 of expense for the six types of rum needed to create those freaky tiki drinks in the totem-style mugs with the umbrellas and grass clippings with which they are adorned. Another item to be avoided: Poi. Long considered a staple in Luau fare, it is frankly impossible to eat in dignity the presence of others holding certain views of decency (some call them “spoons”); anything that comes back up unchanged in appearance after a few too many tiki drinks is something to be avoided.

“Create an Outdoor Oasis!”

Here’s one that isn’t too difficult. Every year my pipes freeze no matter how dilligently I drain my outdoor spigot lines before winter ,and with the first plantings (and hence, the use of the hose) my back yard turns into a mudpit that is collecting small animals, insects, quadrapeds and gas-meter readers that will eventually be the fodder for archeologists in future epochs (”Look at this Flemming… a fully articulated Homo Scribinae Benzinosae!”). Along with the basement seepage this also creates, further wildlife tends to collect nearby that makes the Oasis comparison nearly complete. Were the water damage people to arrive on camelback, I’d dress in a bunch of bedsheets and play Lawrence of Suburbia.

OK, enough with the griping. Part Deux is forthcoming: Actual decent recommendations for a Geek Staycation.